| Q. | Why do dogs howl when harmonica players play? |
| A. | They're trying to tell them how the song goes. |
| Q. | What do you call a harmonica players accompanist? |
| A. | Fido. |
| Q. | What do the best harmonica players have in common? |
| A. | They all suck. |
| Q. | What do you call a harmonica player who doesn't step all over the singers's lines? |
| A. | Deceased |
| Q. | What do you say at the end of a great harmonica solo? |
| A. | Thank God. |
| Q. | How many harmonica players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? |
| A. | Five. One to screw it in and four to determine if it should be in straight or cross position. |
| Q. | What do you call a harmonica player who says he knows what notes he's playing? |
| A. | A Liar |
| Q. | Why do harmonica players say they play a "harp"? |
| A. | So you won't think they play a "harmonica" or Harmonica is a four syllable word. |
| Q. | Which is better: electric guitar or harmonica? |
| A. | Electric guitar. You can't beat a harmonica player to death with a harmonica. |
| Q. | What do you call a harmonica player in a brand new suit? |
| A. | Dearly departed. |
| Q. | How Many Harmonic Players Does it take to change a lightbulb? |
| A. | Don't worry about the changes man, Just blow! |
| Q. | How do you know there's a harp player at your front door? |
| A. | He doesn't know when to come in and he can't find the key. |
| Q. | How to harmonica players traditionally greet each other? |
| A. | "Hi. I'm better than you." |
| Q. | What do you call a groupie who hangs around and annoys musicians? |
| A. | A harmonica player. |
| Q. | What is the difference between a harmonica and a '57 Chevy? |
| A. | You can tune a '57 Chevy. |
| Q. | If you threw a guitar player and a harmonica player off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first? |
| A. | The guitar player. The harp would have to stop halfway down to ask what key they're in. |
| Q. | How do you get a harp player to play softer? |
| A. | Give him some sheet music. |
| Q. | What do a vacuum cleaner and an amplified harmonica player have in common. |
| A. | Both suck when you plug them in. |
| Q. | How many Harp Players does it take to change a light bulb? |
| A. | None--they just steal somebody else's light. |
| Q. | What does it mean when a harmonica player is drooling out both sides of his mouth? |
| A. | The stage is level. |
| These two harmonica players walk past a bar...
Well, it could happen! | |
| A blues musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome!
You have been elected to the Blues All-Stars of Heaven--right up there with
Muddy and the Wolf and Freddy King, all the greats.
We have a gig tonight. Only one problem--God gets to play harmonica." | |
| Q. | How many harp players does it take to change a lightbulb? |
| A. | Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Little Walter would have done it. |
| Q. | How many Harmonica Players does it take to change a lightbulb? |
| A. | Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds the right one. |
| Q. | What does a harp player do in his life's most tender moments? |
| A. | He puts his reverb on "slow". |
| Q. | Why were vintage guitar amplifiers invented? |
| A. | So the harp player would have a place to put his beer. |
| A Guitar Player says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just
like
my guitar."
His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!" | |
| There was a certain bartender who was quite famous for being able
to
accurately guess people's IQs. One night a man walked in and talked to him
briefly and the bartender said, "Wow! You must have an IQ of about 140! You
should meet this guy over here." So they talked for a while about nuclear
physics and existential philosophy and had a great time.
A second man walked in and soon the bartender has guessed about a 90 IQ for him. So he sat him down in front of the big-screen TV and he watched football with the other guys and had a hell of a time. Then a third man stumbled in and talked to the bartender for a while. The bartender said to himself, "Jeez! I think this guy's IQ must be about 29!" He took him over to a man sitting at a little table back in the corner and said, "You might enjoy talking with this guy for a while." After the bartender left, the man at the table said, "So, do you play Cross or Straight harp?" | |
| Q. | Why don't Guitar players suffer from piles (haemorrhoids)? |
| A. | Because all the assholes are playing harmonicas. |
| Q. | What's the difference between a Guitar and a Harmonica? |
| A. | No-one minds if you spill beer on a Harmonica. |
| This harmonica dies and goes to heaven. There's a long line at the pearly gates, and some dude is going around telling folks in line that they can check out Hell while they are waiting for their spot by just going over to the red elevator over there (points). "You know, if you don't like it, just get back on the elevator and come back up." so, the guy thinks to himself, "hey, gotta check it out...maybe it ain't so bad after all." so over he goes, gets into the elevator and down he goes... the elevator stops, he gets out and the Devil himself is there to show him around. So, off they go and pretty soon, he's thinking to himself that maybe this ain't so bad after all...they stop in at a nightclub, and there's a great little band inside who's playing their asses off. He spots some famous folks he knows... "Hey, ain't that Little Walter over there?" They leave, and he finally asks the Devil, "Wow, those cats were smokin'. This place is great! But one thing... there's got to be a catch to this...What is it?" The Devil turns to him and says, quite matter-of-factly, "No solos." |
